What rules and Where the Hell Did They Come From?

Why is it we hold ourselves hostage to rules that don’t really even exist?  Day after day we play out conforming to rules that we ourselves have created which only hold us back.  Some of these “rules” have been instilled into us.  Not only by our upbringing and influences, also by our society and the media.  We follow them habitually never giving much thought to if they make sense to what is right for us as individuals.  Start paying attention to the bullshit rules you have been following in your life that continue to keep you living a passive and ordinary life.

BS Rule #1 - We should have a perfect body

Let’s start with the fact the human body is not perfect nor ever will it be, period!  We have insurance companies telling us what our BMI should be, an abundant number of diets that advertise promising to make us skinny and sexy, and a scale that certainly doesn’t lie.  Talk about pressure! No wonder most people feel defeated before they even start trying!  How about we break the rules of how we think we should look, how much we think we should weigh, and start focusing on just being healthy and feeling fantastic!  If you make the decision to go forth on a health journey vs. going on a diet, you will achieve an enormous number of positive outcomes.  First and foremost you will become healthy from the inside out, which in turn increases your immune system and drastically reduces the risk of illness and disease.  You notice your skin starts to radiate, your hair begins to shine, and wait what just happened? Why yes the weight you wanted to lose just started melting off and you never even felt like you gave up anything! As you incorporate more and more healthy foods into your diet, the less junk/unhealthy food your body will continue to crave.  Our bodies are in a constant state of detoxification as we add chemicals to it on a daily basis.  Your body will thank and reward you well when you treat it like the temple that is designed to be. 

  

BS Rule #2 - You have to decide on your sole career by age 18, earn your degree, and then work hard the rest of your life to be successful; says who?

Are you ecstatic about your chosen career or job?  Do you know many people who are?  Why is that?  Why is it so many people dedicate an abundant amount of time and education just to land a career or job they don’t even really like?  At what point was the decision made for you to choose your career?  Was it that it sounded like a good idea at the time? Were you influenced by family or friends who knew much better than you did about what was best for you?  Now is it the continued convenient excuse you have been doing it for so long you have  to settle for staying where you are vs. going after what you really want? 

If you are not in a job or career that resonates with you completely, you are wasting your time and will remain in a state of unhappiness! We are the ones who choose our jobs and careers, so why not choose something that you love and get excited to wake up to every single day!  Break this rule and the hell with who doesn’t agree; so what you’ve already done this job for the past x amount of years and don’t want to start over, and stop allowing the fear you won’t make enough money to hold you back.  People who have passion for their work NEVER fail. They give 100% consistently and place their happiness over and above anything else. You spend anywhere from 8-12+ hours a day at your job, think about how much time your life is exposed to despondency if you don’t love what you do!  

  

BS Rule #3 – Every relationship requires settling on mediocrity

So how is your relationship going?  Is it everything you dreamed it would be, or is it exactly how people told you it would be?  Here unfortunately is where we fall into mediocrity and complacency.  We follow the rules along with everyone else and roll over to accepting that in relationships this is “just the way it is”.  Who is in charge of our relationships?  WE ARE!  So aren’t we able to have a hand in how awesome it turns out? Of course we are!  So what are the rules in a relationship? They are whatever you and your partner create together.  What works for one couple may not work for another couple. Outside of our deal-breakers or lines in the sand, what rules are there to really even follow in a relationship?  Who are we trying to mimic and look towards as our relationship role models?  Become your own role model by creating a mind-blowing relationship with your partner.  Be certain your words and actions match and resonate with the kind of relationship you truly desire to have. Break the rule of mediocrity and settle for nothing less than amazing!

  

BS Rule #4 - Gossiping, complaining and judging is just what people always do when they get together.

Complaining and gossiping are two of the most toxic rules people can follow. Why do we complain?  Does it really make us feel better or does it actually foster negativity and continue to fuel our fire?  When we complain we are merely seeking attention and finding another person who will take our side and validate how we are feeling. What if you realized people would still be empathetic and you don’t have to complain to get it?  We can talk openly about how we are feeling without whining and complaining.  Ironically most of us have or are currently going through similar scenarios and can relate to one another.  We have two choices when it comes to something we don’t like; we change it if we can, or if we can't we accept it and change our attitude towards it. 

If you are gossiping, you are most likely coming from a place of judgment.  Are you proving to yourself or to others, that yes indeed you are better than someone else?  Why do you feel the need to do that? What is your ego truly seeking?  People mistakenly do this as a means of boosting their own ego or self-esteem.  When you are consistently comparing yourself to others you will ultimately find someone who is more successful than you and that has something you wish you had.  With that discovery, your self-esteem and confidence will take a hit as now you feel you aren’t good enough.  The best way to avoid this is to catch yourself and recognize when you are judging someone else. 

Ask yourself this, “What impact does it have on me personally that their hair is purple, they have too many tattoos, they don’t know how to spend their money, that they aren’t as smart as I am, or that their partner is a complete ass? Bottom line, WHO CARES! 

BS Rule #5 – Having a negative attitude makes no difference in what I get out of life, my life sucks anyway, so why care if it shows?

Understand your attitude is everything!  The more you tell yourself how awful your life is, the more you will see just that.  Even in your worst of days, take a moment and write out a list of gratitude.  At times we tend to forget all we already are blessed with.  When you start paying attention to the great things in your life and what life has to offer, you open yourself up to a whole new view of your current world.  You will begin to engage with more positive people, you are able to conquer and problem-solve resiliently, and ultimately begin to take notice things are starting to go your way! Remember you are in control of you at all times, including your attitude.  God didn’t create us to sit back in misery without any control or choices of how our lives are going to play out.  It is up to you to decide what you want, and know it is your responsibility to Go Get It! 

Are your beliefs serving you

Are your beliefs serving you

                                       
                       or sabotaging you?

We all have beliefs we have acquired over our lifetime.  Beliefs are simply our experiences and how we perceive them, or a thought we have made real.  We get to choose if we want to accept a belief or not.  How we perceive ourselves, our world, and our circumstances, will determine the end result.  Do you believe you will succeed or fail?  When challenges arise, do you stand strong and look for the lesson or opportunity in the challenge, or do you fall down allowing yourself to feel defeated?  Can you identify and accept what you can and cannot change; or do you fight to control the circumstances and people around you? Our beliefs can be either empowering or debilitating.  Perception can be used for clarity or distortion.  Therefore, a positive perception is vital to creating a positive outcome. 

The beliefs we have of ourselves are most important.  How do you view yourself?  Do you believe you have integrity and are a good person? Do you have a healthy dose of self-esteem and confidence? Do you believe you are worthy of being loved or deserving of success?  If the answer to any of these is “no”, then look for what experiences led you to deem them differently.  When you are able to see them for what they really are, you bring transparency and truth to the belief.  Most people with these incapacitating beliefs have been told by others, by either their actions or words, to accept these beliefs about themselves.  Someone else’s opinion or behavior does not determine who you are!  YOU determine who you are.  Take the time to prove it to yourself. Get a piece of paper and fold it in half.  On one half write “They said”.  Write down a list of what others have told you, to include what you perceived they said to you (verbal and non-verbal).  On the other side write “The truth is”. Now open up the paper and answer each “They said” with what YOU KNOW is true about you.  For instance:

                 They Said                                                        The Truth Is 

                  I am ugly                                                         I AM beautiful

                 I am worthless                                                 I AM worthy

                                                                                                   

We were never taught we have to believe in a lie! You know who you are and what is honestly true about you. The only two real judges whose opinion counts, are God and our own.

How you view your world is also very important. Do you believe the world is going to hell in a hand basket?  Do you lack trust for most people?  Do you feel “everyone is out to get you”? Do you believe there a far too few “good” people left in the world?  How you perceive your world, will in turn, determine your response to it. 

We are creatures of habit.  If we are exposed to similar experiences, we tend to re-enforce the same emotional reaction, further strengthening and engraining that newly created belief.   When that familiar negative experience arises again, unless you make a conscious effort to respond in a positive manner; you will auto pilot back to your previous negative reaction which you originally created from that experience. 

For example, your business of two years failed.  A year later a successful business associate presents you with an opportunity to go into business as a partnership.  Your emotional reaction would be anxiety with the fear of failing again, humiliation, and feeling crushed.  You will most likely decline the opportunity, as it feels like a safer decision.  We tend to remain in the safety zone vs. stepping back out in the minefield as we are expecting and fearing the same results will happen.  What you have done is taken your new opportunity and re-enforced it with the same negative emotion you did in your past experience.  Certainly this serves well the first time you touch a hot stove; you learn to never do that again!  However, in this situation, as well as many others, how do you know you are not turning down a potentially successful opportunity because your fear has created a barrier?  What if after your business failed, you honestly looked back and discovered there was a better strategy, a better marketing plan, or better time management that would have thrust your business into success?  With that approach you chose to learn and grow from your experience vs. becoming a fear filled victim.  Now when your associate offers you a partnership, you are eager to accept as you believe you can succeed!  Two very different beliefs; two very different outcomes. 

Take a look at some of your debilitating or limited beliefs and how they hold you back from where you want to be.  You don’t necessarily need to take the time analyzing how all of those beliefs came to be.  Just be aware that you do have the power to create them or disarm them.  Most of our self-limiting beliefs are fear-based such as; a fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of loss of control, fear of a lack of approval from others, fear of success, or fear of change. You have the choice to consciously decide you are no longer willing to hold on to a belief that is destructive or serves no purpose in your life.  The choice is yours in what you choose to believe in.

Brenda Slavin, Coach and Creator, Elements of Your Life