What rules and Where the Hell Did They Come From?

Why is it we hold ourselves hostage to rules that don’t really even exist?  Day after day we play out conforming to rules that we ourselves have created which only hold us back.  Some of these “rules” have been instilled into us.  Not only by our upbringing and influences, also by our society and the media.  We follow them habitually never giving much thought to if they make sense to what is right for us as individuals.  Start paying attention to the bullshit rules you have been following in your life that continue to keep you living a passive and ordinary life.

BS Rule #1 - We should have a perfect body

Let’s start with the fact the human body is not perfect nor ever will it be, period!  We have insurance companies telling us what our BMI should be, an abundant number of diets that advertise promising to make us skinny and sexy, and a scale that certainly doesn’t lie.  Talk about pressure! No wonder most people feel defeated before they even start trying!  How about we break the rules of how we think we should look, how much we think we should weigh, and start focusing on just being healthy and feeling fantastic!  If you make the decision to go forth on a health journey vs. going on a diet, you will achieve an enormous number of positive outcomes.  First and foremost you will become healthy from the inside out, which in turn increases your immune system and drastically reduces the risk of illness and disease.  You notice your skin starts to radiate, your hair begins to shine, and wait what just happened? Why yes the weight you wanted to lose just started melting off and you never even felt like you gave up anything! As you incorporate more and more healthy foods into your diet, the less junk/unhealthy food your body will continue to crave.  Our bodies are in a constant state of detoxification as we add chemicals to it on a daily basis.  Your body will thank and reward you well when you treat it like the temple that is designed to be. 

  

BS Rule #2 - You have to decide on your sole career by age 18, earn your degree, and then work hard the rest of your life to be successful; says who?

Are you ecstatic about your chosen career or job?  Do you know many people who are?  Why is that?  Why is it so many people dedicate an abundant amount of time and education just to land a career or job they don’t even really like?  At what point was the decision made for you to choose your career?  Was it that it sounded like a good idea at the time? Were you influenced by family or friends who knew much better than you did about what was best for you?  Now is it the continued convenient excuse you have been doing it for so long you have  to settle for staying where you are vs. going after what you really want? 

If you are not in a job or career that resonates with you completely, you are wasting your time and will remain in a state of unhappiness! We are the ones who choose our jobs and careers, so why not choose something that you love and get excited to wake up to every single day!  Break this rule and the hell with who doesn’t agree; so what you’ve already done this job for the past x amount of years and don’t want to start over, and stop allowing the fear you won’t make enough money to hold you back.  People who have passion for their work NEVER fail. They give 100% consistently and place their happiness over and above anything else. You spend anywhere from 8-12+ hours a day at your job, think about how much time your life is exposed to despondency if you don’t love what you do!  

  

BS Rule #3 – Every relationship requires settling on mediocrity

So how is your relationship going?  Is it everything you dreamed it would be, or is it exactly how people told you it would be?  Here unfortunately is where we fall into mediocrity and complacency.  We follow the rules along with everyone else and roll over to accepting that in relationships this is “just the way it is”.  Who is in charge of our relationships?  WE ARE!  So aren’t we able to have a hand in how awesome it turns out? Of course we are!  So what are the rules in a relationship? They are whatever you and your partner create together.  What works for one couple may not work for another couple. Outside of our deal-breakers or lines in the sand, what rules are there to really even follow in a relationship?  Who are we trying to mimic and look towards as our relationship role models?  Become your own role model by creating a mind-blowing relationship with your partner.  Be certain your words and actions match and resonate with the kind of relationship you truly desire to have. Break the rule of mediocrity and settle for nothing less than amazing!

  

BS Rule #4 - Gossiping, complaining and judging is just what people always do when they get together.

Complaining and gossiping are two of the most toxic rules people can follow. Why do we complain?  Does it really make us feel better or does it actually foster negativity and continue to fuel our fire?  When we complain we are merely seeking attention and finding another person who will take our side and validate how we are feeling. What if you realized people would still be empathetic and you don’t have to complain to get it?  We can talk openly about how we are feeling without whining and complaining.  Ironically most of us have or are currently going through similar scenarios and can relate to one another.  We have two choices when it comes to something we don’t like; we change it if we can, or if we can't we accept it and change our attitude towards it. 

If you are gossiping, you are most likely coming from a place of judgment.  Are you proving to yourself or to others, that yes indeed you are better than someone else?  Why do you feel the need to do that? What is your ego truly seeking?  People mistakenly do this as a means of boosting their own ego or self-esteem.  When you are consistently comparing yourself to others you will ultimately find someone who is more successful than you and that has something you wish you had.  With that discovery, your self-esteem and confidence will take a hit as now you feel you aren’t good enough.  The best way to avoid this is to catch yourself and recognize when you are judging someone else. 

Ask yourself this, “What impact does it have on me personally that their hair is purple, they have too many tattoos, they don’t know how to spend their money, that they aren’t as smart as I am, or that their partner is a complete ass? Bottom line, WHO CARES! 

BS Rule #5 – Having a negative attitude makes no difference in what I get out of life, my life sucks anyway, so why care if it shows?

Understand your attitude is everything!  The more you tell yourself how awful your life is, the more you will see just that.  Even in your worst of days, take a moment and write out a list of gratitude.  At times we tend to forget all we already are blessed with.  When you start paying attention to the great things in your life and what life has to offer, you open yourself up to a whole new view of your current world.  You will begin to engage with more positive people, you are able to conquer and problem-solve resiliently, and ultimately begin to take notice things are starting to go your way! Remember you are in control of you at all times, including your attitude.  God didn’t create us to sit back in misery without any control or choices of how our lives are going to play out.  It is up to you to decide what you want, and know it is your responsibility to Go Get It! 

Less can be so much more

Less Can be So Much More

It was last year around this time I was trying to figure out what my New Year’s Resolution was going to be.  I began to write a nice long list of all the things I wanted to change and be different for the upcoming year.  When I was done, I was very disheartened.  Although I already knew it, there it was written in black and white, how completely unhappy I was with so many aspects of my life. 

That year, 2010, was one of the hardest years I had ever had.  It seemed one thing after another was going wrong.  Within that year I had someone I thought was a friend completely deceive me, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, my finances were much less than desired, I had gained 20 lbs, and my relationship with my partner was falling apart.  My life was in complete chaos, and after writing it all out, I felt even more defeated.  Over the next few days, when I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself, my inner rebel came out.  I made the decision that I could just refuse to accept this misery any longer.   As I repeated that statement the word “accept” became very loud and clear!  I thought to myself, wow, all of this feels so out of control and yet the only solution to all of this is acceptance.  I could not control what my “friend” did to me, I could not control my Mother was dying, I had to accept my financial situation and my current weight for right now, and as much as it broke my heart, I needed to accept my relationship with my boyfriend was over.  

I broke up with him right after New Years. I could no longer see the point of us both staying miserable.   I felt like everything had been done in an attempt to salvage the relationship, and there was nothing left that could save it. At the time, my focus was on everything that was wrong in our relationship and what I wasn’t getting from it.   I thought it would be less painful to do it then versus later.  However, what I was not prepared for was how painful it really would be without him. I tried to stay busy and move forward with my life, but every day I missed him even more. I regretted that decision and I prayed often that God would heal my broken heart and someday lead me to the “right” person.

The pressure was off and I felt like a boulder was lifted from me.  I no longer had to fight for all of the things that were out of my control.  What I realized that I could do was make the best of what I did have.   I could spend as much time as possible with my Mother before she died. I could let go of the anger I had towards my supposed “friend” and not allow her actions to have such an impact my life.  I could downsize and let go of the frivolous luxuries I didn’t need, but became spoiled and accustomed to.  I could eat healthier and love and respect my body enough to take care of it.  I could find gratitude every day and discover all I do have.  I could meditate and find inner peace, I could renew my faith and connection with God, and I could choose happiness every day! 

As the days went by, I started to shift my focus on gratitude, and away from the belief I was losing everything. Once that happened, my life completely changed and somehow everything came together perfectly.  Each morning I focused on what I was grateful for, and each evening found something to be grateful for, even on the bad days.  I created a gratitude list that I could look at every day as a reminder of all the “good” I did have in my life.  I prayed every day (usually more than once, and I still do!) and felt God beside me cheering me on every step of the way.  My anger was replaced by an understanding that people are who they are. Their actions are a reflection of their character and where they are in their own life. I cannot control what others do, only my response to them.   I chose to forgive her in my heart and then let the anger go. 

My Mom died peacefully in her sleep in early February.  As much as I miss her, I have no regrets in the time we spent together and the loving relationship we shared.  I can’t say this enough to people, “Children cherish your parents, and parents cherish your children”.  Neither is guaranteed to always be here. I have lost both of my parents and two of my own children, and can tell you, family is the most important thing in the entire world!  The best investment you could ever make is spending time with your family. 

By April I had purged all the junk/stuff out of my house, attic, garage, and shed.  I sold a ton of things I no longer wanted or needed.  My children and I then moved to a home that was 1000 feet smaller than our last one.  Less to clean, less yard to maintain, less of a commute to work, and less time wasted on things that aren’t really that important at the end of the day.  Unlike our last community, our new community was filled with wonderful, friendly, family oriented people.  We also found we had so much more time to spend together as a family. 

 As I began to shed the guilt and shame over my losses, I really began to love and accept myself.  I began respecting my body and found it easy to nourish and take care of it the way it deserved to be cared for.  I began to drink my Shakeology each morning for breakfast, changed to eating organic foods, and was up to drinking 80 oz. of water a day.  I exercised 5 days a week as well as mediated daily.   All of it felt so effortless to me.  I never said to myself that I was “going on a diet”, and I never told myself I had to give up anything.  I simply focused on what I was going to give my body to keep it healthy and full of energy.  By August, I had lost a total of 30 lbs!  (That’s right, even the additional 10 lbs I had left on from my daughter) I have never physically felt better!

After a few months break, God answered my prayer and showed me the right man was in front of me the whole time!  We became the best of friends and our relationship is better than it has ever been!   I discovered to love is to give.  My focus shifted to all the great things that were already within our relationship and what I could give to it to make it even better.   I opened myself up completely to him, and began to truly trust him with my heart.  It takes two to make a relationship work, and each have to be willing to give 100%.  I feel so blessed to have the love of my life back :)

You see, less can be so much more.  We only have one life to live. We can choose to be either happy or miserable, the amount of energy expended is the same.  If there is anything you want to change this year, let it be your perspective on your “losses”.  I believe the best is yet to come, so here’s to an awesome 2012!

I wish you all a Happy, Healthy, Peaceful New Year! 
Brenda
Coach and Creator, Elements of Your Life

Sometimes when things look like they are falling apart, they actually may be falling together. During stormy times we sometimes feel like we are losing everything. But maybe this stormy time is really waking us up to something even better ~ Marilyn Monroe